Coping With Difficult People

Review by for Since Strangling Isn’t An Option… Dealing with Difficult People — Common Problems and Uncommon Solutions
Rating:
In a market flooded with advice on interpersonal relationships and the conflicts inherent in relationships, Crowe’s book is refreshing in its common-sense approach.
Part I, “Fundamentals of Understanding”, focuses on understanding what makes difficult people so hard to deal with. The key is to recognize the difficult person’s behavior and our reaction to it. The most thought-provoking question in this segment is “Do we attempt to change difficult people, or do we change our expectations of them. `Difficult’ is an opinion. We base our assessment of a person on our observations and expectations, and what we see as difficult, another may see as straightforward or decisive. Sometimes we have to step away from a problem, take a break to get some perspective.
Part II deals with “Personality Types and Patterns of Behavior.” It categorizes different personalities by relating them to animals. The concept may be overused, but the content still has validity. There are nine types of difficult personalities. On the aggressive side, we have the lizard, who complains about everything. Crowe’s advice is to steer them away from problems and into solutions. It may be impossible to completely stop complainers, but you can certainly stop them from taking up your valuable time. In the passive group, we have the donkey, who stays rooted in one place until forcibly led away - frozen, afraid to make a move. The challenge is to empower them to take some action on their own. Crowe’s suggestion is to offer a set of choices, outlining the likely outcome, then let them choose. If their decision is unwise, hopefully they will learn from it. If their decision is a winner, they will gain confidence and hopefully break out of their passive mold.
In Part III, “Tools and Recipes” Crowe offers ways to deal with the difficult personalities that she has outlined. One technique mentioned is “Verbal Aikido.” Aikido is a martial art in which the momentum of the attacker is used against them. Verbal aikido is the technique of redirecting a conversation with a difficult person in the direction you want it to go. Sample verbiage includes “Here are your options..” and “You make the choice.” The advice is sound, although it may be hard to put into practice initially. Difficult people generally won’t be boxed into making a choice, because then who would take the blame? That’s exactly Crowe’s point - let them decide, and then learn from the outcome.
This book offers simple understandable explanations of some common problems, ands some innovative ways to deal with them. I would recommend it to anyone needing a fresh perspective on interpersonal problems, especially in the workplace.

Review by L. M. Hellie for Since Strangling Isn’t An Option… Dealing with Difficult People — Common Problems and Uncommon Solutions
Rating:
This book has a user friendly approach and avoids concentrating on defining the “difficult people” by style, type or category. There are several interesting approaches offered for changing your behavior when dealing with difficult people because, as the author points out, the only behavior you can really control is your own.

The author includes a number of scenarios, some carrying over from chapter to chapter, which aid in understanding the process for dealing with difficult behavior and the predicted, or actual, outcome. While the process suggested by the author may not work for you, and may not work in every instance where you are dealing with a difficult person, there is certainly enough wisdom and information to justify the time spent reading the book.

Review by Janice Cioffi for Since Strangling Isn’t An Option… Dealing with Difficult People — Common Problems and Uncommon Solutions
Rating:
Very Helpful to me.

Helps me relate/understand why I get annoyed with people because of my already-always-thinking process from my past. I have begun to hear other in a more understanding way…when I am in a good mood that is..some days, if I am not thinking I revert back to my other thinking and lose my patience..!